Serious times now..
Okay, recently I have been writing many blogs about life and everything. You probably guessed something was up with me.
Recently, I have been going through a lot emotionally. I hope one day I will be able talk about it openly but for now only a few people know about it. Part of the problem is that I do not know how to not hang onto other people’s problems. Lots of people talk to me about they are going though, and I genuinely do not mind. Actually, it kind of helps me… in a weird way. I forget my stuff and think about other people’s problems. This works for a while but then after a bit, you feel worse than ever. I mean, there is a reason why we don’t carry the whole world on our shoulders. There is also a reason why therapists go to uni or whatever before becoming therapists Seriously, the mind a scary place. You do not want to enter too deep or you can not get out.
Okay, let me get back to the point. These people who come to me, find it better when they talk to me. I noticed how much better it was with them so I decided to try. Trust me, it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have trust issues, I’m not even going to lie. But talking helps. It actually does.
The main thing that has kept my head above water is my faith. Every time I feel crappy or sad, I say a little prayer and something in me says, ‘C’mon Paula, get up and stop being a big baby. You can do this.’ And then I get up and live life.
I go to Church probably a little more than most people. I go to Church on Wednesday (Bible Study), Friday (Miracle Service), Saturday (Choir Practice) and Sunday. I absolutely love every single bit of it. In my church we have a teenagers group where all of us share stories about life and or perspective on things. I love my church family so much. I’ve known most of them since we were little girls and we have grown up together. I can tell them anything; things I couldn’t tell anyone, including my mummy. I love them so much (as I have probably said a million times). I would do anything for them.
I have always been a bit more religious than them. I have always tried to bring them closer into Faith. The past Sunday, something amazing happened…
One of my beautiful besties told me she has repented and is determined to be a real Christian. My heart literally leapt in joy. And my other bestie is getting closer and closer to that stage. So we, the three amigos, had a long chat about life. It made me realise; everywhere around us, people are falling. Society is falling. They feel bad, depressed & hopeless. Then there are these three girls, who have enough problems going at home and school to cover the world 3 times, and yet they can smile. We realised our faith gives us joy. Everyday that we come to church, it is a little bit more strength and happiness.
I genuinely thank God for everything He has done for me. Even at times where I feel like I have nothing and no one, He is always there. And I know he will always be there.
I thank God for my church friends that he gave me. Seriously, I don’t know what I would so without them (and probably vise versa) because they understand the race I am running, everyday.
I’d really love to name them but they would probably kill me, then fry me and eat me. Not even joking… okay I am, but still.
I just want everyone who has ever seen me upset and said something positive to tried to help me, to know that I appreciate you so much. You have no idea how much your simple words helped me.
Anecdote; Once I was having the worst day possible. I logged unto twitter (@PaulaPaceSetter) and the first tweet I saw was something like, ‘Just because you had a bad morning doesn’t mean you will have a bad day. Make up your mind to have a good day.’ And with no exaggeration, it helped.
At school, a girl said to me, ‘Paula, I read one of your blogs. They are really good.’ ‘Thou that shan’t be named’, you didn’t know it but that meant so much to me.
Okay, when I started this, I did not know what I was going to talk about, and now look where we ended. I do tend to waffle on and on a bit, don’t I? ;)
I guess what I’m trying to say is; be compassionate. Show love. Show care. Our world is a lot of pain right now, but sticking together will make it all worthwhile. Say something nice. Go out of your way to help someone. You’ll feel good afterwards. And if you don’t, you better check yo’ self. :D
Don’t worry, I have finished now… But I hope you understand what I have said.