Comparing yourself with others

stop-comparing-comic2

When I was a little younger, I had officially come to grips with the idea that I am not as ‘naturally pretty’ as other girls. Where I got this idea from, I do not particularly know, but I do know that I believed it with all of my heart. In my young mind, some people are just beautiful. They were born with the lucky combination of chromosomes that made them gorgeous. But it is not all bad, because the rest of us have strengths too. Some of us were born with smarts, some can sing and dance, some have the undeniable talent to make people laugh. I did not believe I was given beauty, but that was okay because I exploited my strengths. I sang, I made people laugh, I worked hard in school, I wrote and I was a good friend to people who needed me. All the while, I never felt like not being ‘conventionally pretty’ hindered me. If anything, it empowered me, because I believed that everything I had, I had earned and didn’t have just because I was nice to look at.

Looking back, it is clear that I only had this view about myself because I compared myself to other people.

For most people, comparing yourself to others just distracts you from the many good qualities you hold. You might be amazing in one aspect, but complete overlook it because someone else shines bright in one particular thing. I learnt that I was beautiful. Maybe not in the conventional way, but then again, who wants conventional? I learnt that some of the things that make some people pretty do not work for me. I had to find indiviudal things that worked for me and made me confident and gorgeous. I think I have.

If you realise something does not work for you, you either forget about it or make it work for you. Life does not give you time to whine and cry about things that do not work, because there will be many things that do not work. If you do not work hard for it, you do not deserve it. Simple as that. And if you get things without working for them, you will not fully understand its value.

I am proud of the beautiful, young woman I have become today, mainly because I worked hard to become her. Because of this, I fully understand my value. I do not ever need to compare who I am, what I am, what I have to someone else, because I am enough. Until I realised this, I was incomplete, whether I realised it or not. If more people could see their worth, they would not care so much when they are cast down or told they are not good enough.

When I was a little girl, I was ‘encouraged’ to join my church choir, mainly because they desperately needed members. I had no interest in music and singing, I was much too busy with things nine-year old girls do. But I joined and soon I realised… I hated it. It was not for me, so I believed. I couldn’t hit the high notes, it took up way too much of my time and to make matters worse, the members were incredibly rude. They were not afraid to tell a nine-year old girl that she really could not sing. After crying on multiple occations, I realised they were probably right. Compared to the adults in the choir, I could not sing at all. However, I also realised that if I kept working hard, I will be able to sing. Fast forward a decade or two, and here I am. I can sing. I may not be Mariah Carey, but I can definetly hit more notes than I could then. The point of my anecdote is to demonstrate that comparing yourself with other people can also be a positive thing, but only if you use the comparison to motivate you. If you do it to pinpoint all the bad things about yourself, then it is not helpful.

You do not need someone to make you realise that you are better than where you are in life, right now. You just need yourself to make that first step to improvement. But sometimes it can be just as helpful to have people to measure against, just to show your progression.

Peace&Love.

Paula Melissa xx

let it go, let it go

My last post was rather emotionally driven – more of a spur in the moment thing – and I have considered deleting it many times, but for now I’m leaving it. I think that I’m leaving it because I understand the importance of writing personally and being myself. This is a lifestyle blog, and death is a part of life – that’s my reasoning behind it, basically.

Anyway, on a happier note, here’s a short funny story my friend told me yesterday. It probably isn’t the funniest thing in the history of comedy, but at the time (In a painfully boring English Language and Literature lesson) I was crying actual tears of laughter.

I’m telling it from his point of view (with lots of added exaggeration (of course)):

I was at church on Sunday. The Pastor (the guy who stands at the front, basically) announced that his young daughter had a song to sing to the congregation (the people who sit on the chairs, basically). His youngest daughter refused to come up to sing the song unless her sister came with her. So the two sisters probably aged four and six, came to the front of the church to minister their song. They began singing into the microphone, first shaky then progressively more confident.

*The snow blows white on the mountain tonight…*        

I was like, Hold on! I swear I know this song. Obviously, I said this in my head because it would have been rude to interrupt the little girls singing. Suddenly, I heard synchronised screams as other Frozen fangirls joined into their jam.

*LET IT GO! LET IT GO!*

Were they really singing Let It Go from Frozen, at church. I couldn’t actually believe it. When they finally finished screeching, the adults began clapping like they sang the most inspiring song ever.

I told you that you wouldn’t find it as funny as I did. Honestly, I was laughing so much. But on a side note, who else is tired of Frozen and Let It Go now (I used to be a die hard Frozen fan, but even I can admit, it needs to be stopped).

download

Peace&Love.

Paula Melissa x

You Know I Like You

You know I like you if I give you my undivided attention. You know I like you if I ignore you.

You know I like you when I am always nice to you. You know I like you when I constantly tease you.

You know I like you when I laugh at your jokes. You know I like you when I dead out your jokes and tell you that you’re not funny.

You know I like you when I smile at you. You know I like you when I frown at you.

You know I like you when I’m always positive around you. You know I like you when I always complain about things around you.

You know I like you when I talk a lot around you. You know I like you when I’m really quiet around you.

You know I like you when I remember every little fact about you. You know I like you when I literally forget you name.

You know I like you when I complement you. You know I like you when I don’t comment on your new haircut when I probably noticed.

You know I like you when I have cyber stalked and professionally preed every social media account you own. You know I like you when I don’t like any of your pictures on Instagram or retweet any of your tweets on twitter.

You know I like you when I know what subject you have at what period. You know I like you when I ask what subjects you do when you told me just yesterday.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, you probably wouldn’t know if I liked you. Only I would know. But I probably like you. I like everyone. 

 

 

Thank for reading. I was having a really girlish moment earlier this week, and felt like sharing a snapshot of my daily thought process. I’m not saying every girl is like this, I’m just saying I am.

Peace&Love.

Paula ox’

FRIENDSHIP

A friend (within or outside marriage) is that person who will still hold your hands when you are in error.

A friend is the person who may be unable to solve your problem but can give you a shoulder to lean on.

A friend is the person who can listen to you even when you are not making sense.

A friend is the person you are not afraid of sharing your struggles with.

A friend is the person who can still call you ‘my friend’ when you do not deserve it.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do the things which I command you. No longer do I call you servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I heard from my Father, I have made known unto you. Ye did not choose me, but I chose you, and appointed you, that ye should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should abide: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. (‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭13-16‬ ASV)

 

– written by anonymous guest writer

 

Peace&Love.

Paula ox’

WHO IS YOUR SHARPENER?

“Iron sharpens iron; so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Prov. 27:17, NLT)
The people you keep around you will determine how effective you would become in life. You would either move faster or slowly due to their push or pull. You can never be drastically different from your friends. You are just like them, in their belief system, the way they think and talk, and what they prioritize. Therefore, be mindful and carefully who you allow into your life. A Judas may betray you and an Absalom may try to overthrow you. A King Saul may want to take away your life before you get to your throne and a Delilah may want to seduce you, deceive you and take away your strength and render you powerless. For your life to reach where God has destined it to be, you must filter your contacts. Not everyone around you can help you get to your destination. Some may be destroyers and others may be detractors. Beware! Just like iron sharpens irons, move with people who can bring the best out of you.

40 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

I did this a year ago and now I’m doing 40 facts to add to it. I hope you find this at least mildly entertaining.

  1. I am the eldest of four children; I have two younger sisters and one younger brother.
  2. I have a pet dog called Rolfie. He is 9 months old and we’ve had him since he was 6 months old. He hates dog food and strangers. (He is smelling me while I write this.)
  3. I’m not a party person. I’d literally prefer to stay at home than go out, most of the time.
  4. I love make -up, especially eye make-up.
  5. I’ve been blogging for over two years.
  6. I can’t ride a bike.
  7. My first published piece was a poem I wrote when I was 12.
  8. I’ve worked in the government.
  9. Both my parents are lawyers, ministers and authors. My mum is also a councillor in our local council.
  10. I love animated movies.
  11. I love cooking, but I can get extremely cranky if people bother me whilst I’m in my cooking zone.
  12. I’ve been singing in my church choir since I was 9/10
  13. My favourite colour is purple.
  14. RomComs are the best.
  15. I can be quite a loud person if I’m feeling comfortable but I generally hate unnecessary noise.
  16. I love education and learning but hate school.
  17. I got to sleep before 10pm most nights.
  18. I am a born again Christian and I strongly believe in God.
  19. Jesus is my life. My life is Jesus.
  20. I use twitter and Instagram way too much – (@PaulaPaceSetter)
  21. I have a complicated relationship with food.
  22. I let my age limit me in life for a long time.
  23. I find people who are similar to me extremely annoying, but at the same time they usually become my closest friends.
  24. I have poor eyesight and therefore have prescribed glasses that I never really wear.
  25. I love gospel music; it is so uplifting.
  26. I became a YouTuber in Summer 2014.
  27. The only countries I have been to are Nigeria, Belgium, France and Wales, and obviously England, which is where I live.
  28. I can be such a fangirl, but I hide it relatively well.
  29. When I become friends with someone I am also committed to helping them or supporting them. Due to this, I am still friends with people I met 10 years ago.
  30. I usually prefer covers to the original song.
  31. I hate swearing with a passion.
  32. I have strong opinions about certain topics, and I am not easily persuaded.
  33. I hate going to the cinema.
  34. I have more girl friends than guy friends but tend to be closer with my guy friends than girl friends.
  35. I don’t like boybands.
  36. I don’t drink fizzy drinks or alcohol, I only like juice.
  37. Ice cream is my kryptonite.
  38. Young people are my passion and I spend most of my time trying to positively impact young people’s life.
  39. Recently, I’ve decided I want to be a presenter, after presenting a talent show and showcase, as well as a journalist; Benny Bonsu is my inspiration when it comes to journalism and presenting.
  40. I am NOT an outdoorsy person but in Summer 2014 I went to Wales, where I climbed up a waterfall, I climbed inside dark tunnels inside a mountain and came out at the top, I went camping, I went canoeing and I jumped into a freezing lake even though I can’t swim. I literally still can’t believe that I did all of that.

Peace&Love.

Paula ox’