I cried five days in a row. Not for anything bad, but just because I could not physically fathom how amazing God is.
Last week, I went to Wales for the weekend, with my friends from my fellowship RY Sheffield. This wasn’t a cheeky getaway, as much as we did have fun, it was a retreat. It was time to get off social media and the internet. Get away from uni work. And focus totally on God. I was truly blessed that weekend.
Everyone kept saying “come expectant” but I don’t think I really did. I just asked God to reveal Himself to me. He did one better – He revealed Himself to me and also revealed me to me.
I learnt so much about myself. And it was the first time, in a long long time, that I really realised how much GRACE and MERCY I have experienced from God in my life.
So why did I cry for 5 days…
Well, it starts with me finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m an emotional person. Or should I say an emotive person? Because I am not irrationally moved by emotions (most of the time!). I just mean that I usually feel emotions passionately. I’m not a passive ‘feeler’ – if that makes sense.
These five days God used my emotions to convey to me how vulnerable and transparent I need to be both with Him and myself. He’s all knowing so He knows it all already, but He WANTS me to come before Him. He wants me to release every single thing into his hand. William McDowell (sidenote; as I write this post, lots of my friends are in Birmingham at his concert. I’m super jel) has a song called Withholding Nothing and that’s the mindset I need to have. Releasing every single thing – the good and the bad.
I don’t enjoy crying, I don’t think any sane person does. But the thing about crying, you always feel lighter afterwards (and always feel like taking a nap lol). God has spoken to me through different people, each of these five days.
I have never felt so good after crying as I do now. Because the Bible literally says weeping may happen in the night but joy comes in the morning and this makes me hopeful for the super joyful morning that is coming v v soon!
Ya girl, Paula Melissa xx