So my blog, this very blog, is FIVE years old this month!
It’s crazy that one quarter of my life has consisted of this blog.
Over that time, the vision for this blog has changed considerably.
I experiemented with how personal I wanted to make it.
It’s funny that I’m celebrating five years today when last night I almost convinced myself to delete this very blog and my YouTube channel too.
Because I felt like it wasn’t going anywhere.
As a Christian particularly, I am a firm believer in the importance of having vision. Knowing your purpose and knowing where you are working towards.
In the last few weeks mainly, I’ve started to feel like I had lost my vision. I did not know where I was going and what I was working towards. And the worst thing about this whole period was that I did not know what God wanted me to do.
One month ago I started my 12 month internship at The Body Shop International as the International Digital Recruitment Intern. I was over the moon to hear I had beat off thousands of students for the role and that I would basically have free reign to create content in my role. I couldn’t wait to start.
I love my job. I really really do. But there are so many other factors that I naively did not consider when screaming YES on the phone to the offer. (Post coming soon specifically about my job)
I work 2 hours away from home, by public transport, which wouldn’t have been so bad if it was one or two straight trains. I have to change so many buses and trains to get to work – it is extremely tiring. I work 9-5:30 every weekday, which means waking up at 5:45am and not getting home till about 8pm every evening. It is very tiring.
A lot of the other interns actually moved into a house together closer to work – which would have been the wiser thing to do – but I wanted to save money by staying at home.
I can’t say I completely regret staying at home but it is definitely taking away from fully enjoying this new experience.
Just because I am exhausted ALL of the time.
And if you know me, you know I don’t function well exhausted.
This has led me to reduce the amount of time I spend on my blog and channel. I naively believed I could continue all my projects in my ‘spare time’ after work and in the evenings.
I’m going to be transparent with you guys.
Yesterday I was scrolling through Twitter and seeing other content creators excelling, (and rightly so, might I add!) And I couldn’t help but compare myself. What have I done in the many years I’ve been blogging and YouTubing?
My videos on my channel and posts on this blog are inconsistent and don’t get a huge amount of views. It’s a horrible feeling when you spend hours filming and editing a video only to have 43 people watch it.
Also with photography and videography, which is a new love of mine – I was suddenly getting lots of clients wanting to work with me. Which is great. Except that I work full time and have commitments at the weekends so I can only give a few hours to it.
So what’s so happy about this five year anniversary, you may be asking? I know, I’ve been ranting.
The fact that there IS a five year anniversary is a blessing. How many people start a project and give up when it gets hard? How many people are still trying to find things they are passionate about and here I am stressing because I have TOO MANY things I love! Do you see how that is a blessing?
Another things that makes this a happy anniversary is that it gives me an opportunity to stop and see how far I’ve come. We’re seven months into 2017 and the amount of spiritual and emotional growth I’ve had to do is exponential. And when I’m sitting there feeling sorry for myself, saying I haven’t gone very far, I need to compare Paula of today to Paula of last year, Paula of seven months ago, even Paula of last week and be grateful for growth. If we aren’t growing, we are stagnant and that’s worse than going backwards.
Yesterday’s experience also helped reveal to me the friends I have. Friends that celebrate when I’m successful but also pray for me when I’m down. So so so valuable.
Can I say, most of them I met online! Some of them I’ve never even met face to face! Yet they messaged me and encouraged me. That is so precious to me.
I’m always the friend checking up on others and being there for others, sometimes I wonder who would do it back.
So happy 5th bday PaulaPaceSetter blog! You’ve come a long way, and you still have a way to go. As do I.
God’s plan for me is great so I keep moving forward.
I’m excited, I’m expectant.
I’m not going to promise regular posts (yet!) but I will promise transparency, growth and most of all, a reflection of the love that God has shown me.
Peace & Love.
Paula Melissa xx